Thursday, August 23, 2012

Why Don't I Just Eat Paste?

So, call me superstitious, but I really don't like to blog about important stuff, or potentially important stuff, because putting it out on the interwebs always seems to jinx it.  Whatever, I'm puttin' my bizness out there.

Simmer down, it's really not that exciting.

See friends, I'm trying to lose weight.

Me and every other fast food-eating, not-working-out American.


I've been using the iPhone app My Fitness Pal, getting my downward dog on, doing crunches, and I've even attempted jogging. (My apologies to all my neighbors... sorry you had to see that first thing in the morning).

Well, I've lost about ten pounds so far, so I guess I've been doing something right.

But my ass is still jiggly and I swear my colon is trying to kill me.

In the interest of self-inflicted torture my health, I am embarking on a 3-day diet at the urging of a friend.

Today is my first day, and I've only gotten through breakfast, but my friend is a day ahead of me and no shit has dropped 9.8 lbs in twenty-four hours.

Yeah yeah, I know it's all water weight.  But sometimes a gal just wants to see the digits on the scale decrease, ya know?

In case you're interested, here's the deal on the diet plan:

DAY 1:
Breakfast--1/2 Grapefruit, 1 Slice Toast, 2 Tablespoons of Peanut Butter, and Coffee or Tea
Lunch--1/2 Cup of Tuna, 1 Slice of Toast, and Coffee or Tea
Dinner--2 Slices of any type meat (About 3 ounces) 1 Cup of Green Beans, 1/2 Banana, 1 Small Apple, and 1 Cup of Vanilla Ice Cream

DAY 2:
Breakfast--1 egg, 1 Slice of Toast, and 1/2 Banana
Lunch--1 Cup of Cottage Cheese (Or 1 Slice of Cheddar Cheese, 1 Hard Boiled Egg, and 5 Saltine Crackers
Dinner--2 Hot Dogs, (no buns), 1 Cup of Broccoli, 1/2 Cup of Carrots, 1/2 Banana, and 1/2 Cup of Vanilla Ice Cream

DAY 3:
Breakfast--5 Saltine Crackers, 1 Slice of Cheddar Cheese, and 1 Small Apple
Lunch-1 Hard-Boiled Egg, and 1 Slice of Toast
Dinner--1 Cup of Tuna, 1/2 of a Banana, and 1 Cup of Vanilla Ice Cream

You're not supposed to use any butter, mayo or anything.  You CAN use salt and pepper to season your food (just don't go all salt-crazy).

So what does all of this have to do with my status?  Well, this morning I was preparing my breakfast and to my dismay realized we were out of peanut butter.  Which meant I was forced to eat two tablespoons of unsalted, all natural almond butter.
It's a good thing my grapefruit was extra juicy.  I also sucked down unsweetened green tea like I was a dying man in the desert.  I think my mouth may be permanently glued together.  Which would absolutely thrill....pretty much everyone.  Have I mentioned I never shut up?
Whatever, if I drop even 5 lbs it'll make one morning of paste worth it.
I'll keep you updated on the progress. 

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